Moonfall of Riverclan
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Cheesles
Moonfall
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Moonfall of Riverclan
by Moonfall Mon Jun 28, 2010 2:42 am
Name: Moonfall
Gender: Female
Age: 20 moons
Affiliate: Riverclan
Rank: Warrior
Looks: White she-cat with icy blue eyes. She has a black tip on her tail. Her pads are pink but one of them, her left hind leg, is black and her nose is pink. She has a relatively small build.
Personality: An Excellent hunter, has a calm way of doing things and does not get stressed easily. She is young but tries to act like a senior warrior. She is very cheerful and bubbly but also very quite at the same time. She doesn't like unnecessary bloodshed but will for her clan to the end. She is a loyal and caring warrior.
Birth: Riverclan
History:Was born in Riverclan and is the only one of her litter. She has recently become a warrior. She also has a fear of Snakes.
RP Sample: Moonfall leaned over the clear river watching intensively. Suddenly! A silver fish slipped through the water. Quickly, she reached down and flicked it out, killing it in one swift bite. Adding it to her pile she gathered her prey in her mouth and padded softly to camp.
Gender: Female
Age: 20 moons
Affiliate: Riverclan
Rank: Warrior
Looks: White she-cat with icy blue eyes. She has a black tip on her tail. Her pads are pink but one of them, her left hind leg, is black and her nose is pink. She has a relatively small build.
Personality: An Excellent hunter, has a calm way of doing things and does not get stressed easily. She is young but tries to act like a senior warrior. She is very cheerful and bubbly but also very quite at the same time. She doesn't like unnecessary bloodshed but will for her clan to the end. She is a loyal and caring warrior.
Birth: Riverclan
History:Was born in Riverclan and is the only one of her litter. She has recently become a warrior. She also has a fear of Snakes.
RP Sample: Moonfall leaned over the clear river watching intensively. Suddenly! A silver fish slipped through the water. Quickly, she reached down and flicked it out, killing it in one swift bite. Adding it to her pile she gathered her prey in her mouth and padded softly to camp.
Last edited by Moonfall on Wed Jun 30, 2010 1:53 am; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Moonfall of Riverclan
by Cheesles Mon Jun 28, 2010 3:14 am
At least one more sentence for rp sample, and make the history and personality more detailed. And does she have any special markings? If possible make the looks longer too.
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Re: Moonfall of Riverclan
by Member Mon Jun 28, 2010 4:13 am
*slaps Cheesles*
The history is fine. And the personality doesn't need to be more detailed, it just needs one more sentence. And the looks needs two.
The history is fine. And the personality doesn't need to be more detailed, it just needs one more sentence. And the looks needs two.
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Re: Moonfall of Riverclan
by Firestar Wed Jun 30, 2010 2:03 am
i like it :D
and wouldn't the gender be she-cat? just saying
history was a little short might need some touching up and in the RP sample some grammar mishaps but nonetheless it is good.
oh and P.S. I'm a Grammar Nazi so don't take it to seriously
and wouldn't the gender be she-cat? just saying
history was a little short might need some touching up and in the RP sample some grammar mishaps but nonetheless it is good.
oh and P.S. I'm a Grammar Nazi so don't take it to seriously
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Re: Moonfall of Riverclan
by LEN KAGAMINE Wed Jun 30, 2010 12:03 pm
... Wow... -pets Fire- x3 Another English buddy!
Fire-san? You are not allowed to post on another member's bio unless you are a moderator or admin, and you are neither. Also, if you are one to get upset about Grammer, then you should try to also capitolize your I's, the first letter of any word that begins a sentence, and use punctuation. Gah, the English Teacher me is showing again. D<
-ahem-
Anyways, it is fine if Moon-san puts female instead of she-cat. It means the same thing. Gah. Since the English Teacher me is trying to break through, I might as well add this: It should say "Suddenly, a silver fish slipped through the water."
Fire-san? You are not allowed to post on another member's bio unless you are a moderator or admin, and you are neither. Also, if you are one to get upset about Grammer, then you should try to also capitolize your I's, the first letter of any word that begins a sentence, and use punctuation. Gah, the English Teacher me is showing again. D<
-ahem-
Anyways, it is fine if Moon-san puts female instead of she-cat. It means the same thing. Gah. Since the English Teacher me is trying to break through, I might as well add this: It should say "Suddenly, a silver fish slipped through the water."
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Re: Moonfall of Riverclan
by Ace Wed Jun 30, 2010 2:44 pm
Stop mini-modding Fire. It's in the rules that you don't post in other people's bios either. Stop doing both of those or I'll deduct points and lower your warning bar.
THOU SHALT OBEY THY MASTA'S RULES!
THOU SHALT OBEY THY MASTA'S RULES!
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